Friday, September 24

Our New State Flag: The Blue Tarp

My mother forwards this timely message:

You might be a Floridian if:
-- You exhibit a slight twitch when introduced to anyone with the first names of Charley, Frances or Ivan
-- Your freezer never has more than $20 worth of food in it any given time
-- You're looking at paint swatches for the plywood on your windows, to accent the house color
-- You think of your hall closet/safe room as "cozy"
-- Your pool is more accurately described as "framed in" than "screened in"
-- Your freezer in the garage now only has homemade ice in it
-- You no longer worry about relatives visiting during the summer months
-- You, too, haven't heard back from the insurance adjuster
-- You now understand what that little "2% hurricane deductible" phrase really means
-- You're putting a collage together on your driveway of roof shingles from your neighborhood
-- You were once proud of your 16" electric chain saw
-- Your street has more than three "no wake" signs posted
-- You now own 5 large ice chests
-- Your parrot can now say "hammered," "pounded" and "hunker down"
-- You recognize people in line at the free ice, gas and plywood locations
-- You stop what you're doing and clap and wave when you see a convoy of power company trucks come down your street
-- You're depressed when they don't stop
-- You have the personal cell phone numbers of the managers for plywood, roofing supplies and generators at Home Depot on your speed dialer
-- You've spent more than $20 on tall white kitchen bags to make your own sand bags
-- You're considering upgrading your 16" chain saw to a 20" chainsaw
-- You know what "bar chain oil" is
-- You're thinking of getting your wife the hardhat with the ear protector and face shield for Christmas
-- You now think the $6,000 whole house generator seems reasonable
-- You look forward to discussions about the merits of cubed, block and dry ice
-- Your therapist refers to your condition as "generator envy"
-- You fight the urge to put on your winter coat and wool cap and parade around in front of your picture window, when you finally get power and your neighbor across the street, with the noisy generator, doesn't get electric

And, finally, you might be a Floridian if: 
-- You ask your sister up north to start saving the Sunday real estate classifieds!

3 comments:

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