Sunday, August 28

... And In Today's Chupacabra News

Can this be true? Has a Houston-area farmer succeeded where so many others have failed, proving the existence of the mythical goat-sucking, chicken-killing creature, the chupacabra? And, if so, will I be forced to reconsider my beliefs about aliens, angels, ghosts, Bigfoot, the Abominable Snowman, and the Loch Ness Monster?

Answers: probably not, hardly likely, and no. Except for the Loch Ness Monster. We all know he's real. Consider the following exchange from "Napoleon Dynamite":

Teacher: Your current event, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced ... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

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