Tuesday, October 4

Happy New Year ... Now Take Care Of Your Chores


Sound the shofar! Today is Rosh Hashanah, which marks the start of the Jewish new year. Britt and I went to services last night, but this morning I went back alone. I think the three hours of praying, standing, sitting, singing and more praying probably scared him off. But I give him so much credit for coming. I feel so out of place in a Church service, so I can probably imagine what's going through his head when everyone's singing "Adon Olam" or reciting the Shema and he has no idea what's going on.

On an unrelated note: what's up with everyone singing all these serious, weighty versions of "Adon Olam?" What happened to the totally fun, fast, catchy version I used to sing when I was a kid? I looked for "Adon Olam" on the iTunes music store last night and every version, except one, sounded weird and laborious.

Back to Rosh Hashanah: Britt and I celebrated the arrival of 5766 with a traditional Jewish feast -- we ate Chinese food! After the meal, I cracked open my fortune cookie and discovered the crappiest, lamest, most mundane fortune ever found inside a cookie, or any other foodstuff: "Saturdays are good days for taking care of chores."

Yes, that's right. The fortune is telling me that I should take care of my chores on Saturday. There wasn't any advice or prognostication about health, wealth, love, happiness. Even if you add "in bed" to the end, you end up with "Saturdays are good days for taking care of chores in bed." What's titillating about that? Nothing! Who the heck is writing fortune cookies these days? School marms? My mother? What's next -- fortunes telling people to pay their taxes early?

In fact, I think the fortune is a little anti-Semitic. Saturday is shabbat, the sabbath. It's the Jewish day of rest. Conservative Jews won't drive, cook or even flip a light switch on shabbat, so they're definitely not going to take care of chores.

I hope this fortune cookie is not a sign of things to come in the new year.

No comments: