Friday, July 27

Mustache Waxing

Überflack Aaron Perlut, who is straight and lives in St. Louis but still insists he is my superhot secret lover, e-mailed me yesterday to introduce me to his latest project, The American Mustache Institute.

He writes, in Perlutese: Not sure if our mutual friend Cherie J. Cobbs has shared this with you, but you must go visit my new invention and share with all your friends, the gay nation, and anyone else who may be interested. And please vote for the best sports mustache of all time.

Cherie J. Cobbs is, of course, Cherie Jacobs, aka Miss Cherizon, one of my favorite humans and one of Aaron's former coworkers at Progress Energy in St. Petersburg.

As I wear a goatee, I asked Aaron for the American Mustache Institute's official stance on alternative forms of facial hair. I was somewhat nonplussed by his reply:

If there’s coverage on the chin, we do not recognize it as a mustache. A mustache stands firm, proud, and alone. Not that there’s anything wrong with a goatee – but a mustache is simply a different animal. A furry, thick, rich animal.

I had assumed that, as staunch supporters of mustache rights, the American Mustache Institute would also stand up all kinds of facial hair freedom of expression.

Still, I can't fault Aaron and the institute too much. I know it's their club, and they have the right to express whatever views they believe are appropriate -- even if they're not as enlightened as I had hoped they would be.

1 comment:

dan said...

I, for one, am pleased you are shining a light on Mr. Perlut's controversial theories. Many media outlets have accepted them without question like an army of zombie Wolf Blitzers bowing before Michael Moore's enormous buttocks.

What kind of research are they doing behind the walls of his "institute?" Does it involve heavy drinking and astronauts? Or harvesting organs from Australians to create a race of super mustaches?

Whether you agree with him or not, this is the kind of high-level debate that is making the blogosphere and your blog must-reading for all Americans, mustached or not. I salute you.