Monday, November 5

What Little Girl Wants To Smell Like Spider-Man? (Running Errands At The Mall Makes Me Sad)

I believe P.T. Barnum said "A fool and his money are easily parted," but I could be wrong. Perhaps it was William Shakespeare, or Oscar Wilde, or Sir Mix-a-Lot. I'm pretty sure that the the other quote that's always attributed to Barnum, the one about a sucker being born every minute, was actually said by someone else.

No matter.

Yesterday, at WestShore Plaza, I found plenty of items that were, in my expert opinion, clearly being marketed to fools with too much money and too little taste.

Let's take a look:

Mixed messages for the Christmas tree
There's nothing more appropriate for a Christmas tree than an ornament that incorporates two symbols of Judaism, don't you think? Clearly, we're looking at a Star of David and a Hanukkah menorah here.

Spider-Man eau de toilette
This is Spider-Man eau de toilette. Just who, exactly, is the target market for this item? What little girl wants to smell like Spider-Man? What little boy wants perfume?

ESPN, BASS and game controller ornaments
More Christmas ornaments. The ESPN ornament looks like a flat-screen TV, and it lights up and plays the SportsCenter theme when you press a button.

"Star Wars" and "Star Trek" ornaments
The ESPN ornament wouldn't look quite so out of place next to "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" ornaments, I guess. Admittedly, I'm not an expert on Christmas trees and how to decorate them. These plastic tchotchkes, honoring sports highlight shows and science fiction films, just don't seem to reflect the spirit of the holiday as I understand it.

Brave New Store at WestShore Plaza
English majors will remember soma as the hallucinogenic drug that the government dispenses -- and encourages people to use often -- in "Brave New World" to keep the populace happy and sedated. It's used to quash bad memories. It is also, apparently, lingerie.

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