Thursday, January 22

I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of Four Questions of the United States

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave is wearing thermal underwear, a thermal undershirt, flannel-lined khakis, an insulated Oxford shirt, insulated gloves and mittens, thick wool socks, insulated shoes, a scarf, three jackets, four hats, snow goggles, and, just to be safe, an electric blanket wrapped around his face. He also has a space heater hidden somewhere on his person.

Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave doesn't know what type of mood he's in, as he is too cold.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood?

A. Dave is colder than an ice cube at the North Pole in December. It is currently 52 degrees in Tampa. This is freezing for Floridians.

Q. How is Dave able to type, considering that he's wrapped up in so much protective gear?

A. Dave is banging away at the keyboard with his mittens and these, by sheer coincidence, are the letters that he is producing. Incidentally, this is the same exact manner in which William Faulkner wrote "Absalom, Absalom!"

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